


They *Definitely* Care About You...

by AdrianTheGreatGayPsychNerd



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Gen, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Partially because I have no friends willing to do so, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:49:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24241600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdrianTheGreatGayPsychNerd/pseuds/AdrianTheGreatGayPsychNerd
Summary: Deceit tried desperately to regain his composure, despite being safely hidden away in his room in the ‘dark side’s' commons. “I-I’m perfectly alright, there’s no reason t-to cry, I refuse to f-f-feel missserable over nothi-thing, so st-sstop being SUCH A WEAKLING!” The string of lies, originally meant to soothe Deceit’s wrecked emotional state, just ended with a surge of pure anger, frustration, and mild hysteria from bursting from his lips in a sudden shout. “Dissssgust-ting....” Deceit tried to sound cold and aloof, but cringed at his cracking and stuttering voice. “Everyone cares how y-you feel, k-keep acting like you have em-emotions, you’re definitely fooling ev-veryone.”*They definitely care about you.*”
Comments: 9
Kudos: 95





	They *Definitely* Care About You...

**Author's Note:**

> Asterisks around a word from Deceit indicate a lie, eg. "I *definitely* didn't just finish washing dishes."
> 
> Haven't watched through the series in a bit, so characters may be a bit OOC.
> 
> Please read the tags, and enjoy this story!
> 
> Also, please read endnotes.

Breathe. Breathe! BREATHE YOU IDIOT-!

Deceit pressed his hand to his aching chest, gasping for oxygen desperately as his lungs were seemingly in the middle of shutting down. He blindly grabbed at the small, well-worn desk that he never remembered moving into his room, trying in vain to prevent his legs from giving way underneath him. “G-god, I’m not so sorry Virgil, for always un-n-derstanding when you had these… things,” Deceit gasped out to himself between breaths, now knowing why Virgil always dreaded his weekly panic attacks. He felt pressure beginning to build within his skull, causing his vision to black out for a moment, just long enough to cause his already difficult breathing to escalate into frightened hyperventilation.

Still trembling and wheezing, Deceit crawled under his desk, letting out a pathetic little whimper as he curled into himself, tightly hugging his knees in a silent plea for them to still. He tried desperately to regain his composure, despite being safely hidden away in his room in the ‘dark side’s’ commons. “I-I’m *perfectly alright*, there’s *no* reason t-to cry, I refuse to f-f-feel missserable over *nothi-thing*, so st-sstop being SUCH A WEAKLING!” The string of lies, originally meant to soothe Deceit’s wrecked emotional state, just ended with a surge of pure anger, frustration, and mild hysteria from bursting from his lips in a sudden shout. “Dissssgust-ting....” Deceit tried to sound cold and aloof, but cringed at his cracking and stuttering voice. “*Everyone* cares how y-you feel, *k-keep* acting like you have em-emotions, you’re *definitely* fooling ev-veryone.

*They definitely care about you.*”

He began digging his claws painfully into the soft scaleless flesh of his forearms, the sharp stinging pain bringing him a brief moment of clarity through his otherwise foggy and sluggish thoughts.

~~~~~

Earlier that day, Thomas had summoned the 4 main sides (calling them “good” or “light” sides never sat right with Deceit) to discuss his concerns on whether his best friends, Joan and Talyn, were going to break up after a serious fight, and what he could do to help. Listening in from the main sides’ commons, Deceit knew that if Talyn and Joan broke up and ended up being unable to stay friends, it would surely put a strain on both of their relationships with Thomas. If the tension grew to be too strong, Thomas might eventually be forced to pick which friend he wanted to keep. Therefore, Deceit decided that the wisest solution would be to 

But of course, the other four didn’t seem to agree.

“The solution is OBVIOUS, Thomas! All you need to do is declare to them both that you’ll be here for them no matter what, and be their guide and support through this romantic conflict, then bingo! They’ll feel so well supported that they’re certain to make up, and they’re back to being the non-binary fairytale couple they are destined to be!” Roman exclaimed, a dopey grin plastered below his overly bright eyes.

Logan sighed quietly, and quickly responded, “That’s not exactly a solution, Roman. What you’re suggesting is far more dependent on both Joan and Talyn being willing to open communications between them about the subject at hand. However, I do agree that staying out of the argument would be wise, although if one of them came to Thomas specifically looking for advice, then it would make sense to give them whatever advice he may find suitable. Also,” Logan paused for a second, quirking an eyebrow at Roman as he continued, “‘be their guide through this romantic conflict’? Thomas is far from knowledgeable enough on the subject of romance to act as a mentor or expert on the subject, seeing as he hasn’t had a committed and continuous relationship with another person in over 2 years-”

“Oh come ON, you Specs-tacular Nerd! It’s not exactly rocket science, and plus, Thomas has me and Patton to advise him through his curiosities of the heart!” Roman butted in dramatically (because of course he did), gesturing wildly at himself and the other as he spoke.

Patton chuckled, and decided to interject in their mini tangent, “I agree Roman, there truly isn’t anything that Thomas can do to mend the situation between those two, seeing as it doesn’t really involve him. It’s up to his friends to work out their personal issues, and Thomas’ duty as their friend to stand by and support them both in their decision! After all, with Thomas chipping in to raisin their spirits, those two nuts are sure to bake the right decision. They are two tough cookies~” Grinning, Patton started nibbling at the cookie he’d pulled out of his onesie hood to make his jokes clearer.

With a small huff of amusement, Thomas’ expression quickly went from worried to soothed as he listened to the sides telling him that it would turn out without serious interjection from him. Of course, Virgil wasn’t so quick to get on board with calming down, which he was quick to point out. “But what if they end up deciding that they’re better off not together? What if they end up breaking up and stop talking to one another completely? That would leave Thomas in such an awkward position, and what if they tried to make him pick between one of them?!? What if they-!?!”

As Patton quickly jumped to calm the anxious side, Deceit realized quickly that maybe he’d unconsciously assumed that Virgil’s initial silence was a sign of him agreeing to what the others were saying. “Calm down Virge, it’ll be okay, you know they would never put Thomas in that position…”

Deceit decided that, seeing as he did have someone who agreed with him, now would be the best time to interject. And predictably, from the moment he rose up, he could feel the sudden tension that began to spark around the group.

“Good afternoon gentlemen, if you don’t mind me chiming in to your conversations, I have some thoughts you may want to consider,” Deceit said innocently, turning to look at Roman as he started insulting him. “Why would we care what YOU thought about this, you King Co-brash? You’re just gonna tell us to-” “How would you know what I was going to say, Roman? It’s as if you want to steal my job,” Deceit cut him off, the slightest edge appearing in his voice due to his frustration at how it had been immediately assumed he meant harm. “Although I am unsure of what Roman planned on saying, it was most likely going to be similar in concept to what you planned on saying, seeing as you only ever try to convince Thomas to use falsehoods for your own egocentric purposes,” Logan, who had apparently decided to come to Roman’s aid, said with his usual straightforward tone, which somehow made the presumptuous words all the more irritating to Deceit. Patton nodded vehemently, and even Thomas hummed quietly in agreement.

Now thoroughly frustrated, Deceit turned to Thomas and again tried to speak up, but was interrupted by an angry voice from behind him.

Virgil, clearly still high strung from prior conversation, snapped angrily, “He knew because it’s obvious what you’re gonna say, we gotta manipulate Joan and Talyn into doing something by lying, which is NOT happening. That would just end up even worse, after they found out what Thomas did.” His voice began to rise, a crescendo of anxiety-turned-rage tumbling faster and faster from his quivering lips. “And also, who would EVER want to be anything like you? A filthy liar who’s always trying to trick us into shit? Give it up, Deceit, NO ONE FUCKING CARES!”

Stunned, Deceit’s mouth snapped shut, retort dying on its way up his throat. It seemed he wasn’t the only one surprised by Virgil’s outburst either, as everyone just stood, staring at the two of them with mixed expressions. Even Patton refrained from chiding Virgil on his use of curses, simply gawking owlishly at him.

Trying to regain some form of dignity and composure, Deceit stood up straighter, tightened his ever-so-slightly shaking hands around the edges of his capelet, and huffed out a fake sigh. “If you are all so insistent on not even giving me the chance to speak, then fine, I guess I’ll let myself out…”

Deceit took this opportunity to duck out, speed walking through the maze of hallways in the Mind Palace to get to the privacy of his own room. Once his dark oaken door was in view, he checked behind him to make sure no one had followed him (and that Remus wasn’t going to jump him like he did almost every week), then broke into a sprint. Shoving his silver key into the matching lock, he threw open the door and slammed it behind him, nearly breaking the deadbolt when he forced it into place.

Gasping a bit for breath, he let himself think through what exactly had happened. ‘They were mostly in agreement until Virgil voiced his concerns, then when I came up I just offered to interpose with my thoughts. Of course, Mr. Perfect had to come at me and try predicting what I was gonna say, instead of letting me talk. Then Logan came to his defense, seeing as he hates… well, Patton and Thomas agreed too. All of them agreed that anything I said would be worthless and harmful. Even, even Virgil…’

Deceit felt his chest tightening as his brain replayed Virgil’s words, 

“Who would EVER want to be anything like you? A filthy liar who’s always trying to trick us into shit? Give it up, Deceit, NO ONE FUCKING CARES!”

He was so stuck in his thoughts, that he didn’t realize he’d begun gasping and shaking, until he was nearly knocked off his feet by the powerful tremors.

~~~~~~

Still huddled under his desk, Deceit shoved his face into his arms, and listened as his room began to whisper comforting lies to him.

‘-It’ll be okay-’, They never listen...

‘-They don’t hate you-’, They wish you would just disappear...

‘-Thomas doesn’t hate you-’, You’ll just screw up everything for him...

‘-Virgil doesn’t hate you-’, Oh god...

Virgil…

Deceit suddenly snapped back into consciousness.

He reached up to wipe at his eyes, only to feel dried tear tracks along his scaly cheeks, and fresh tears weighing on his eyelashes. He huffed, embarrassed at his needless breakdown. Slowly crawling out from under his desk, he groaned as he sat back on his knees, sore from being curled and cramped under the desk for god knows how long.

“How long was I under there anyways?” Deceit muttered under his breath as he looked around for a clock, until he remembered he had a pocket watch. Shoving his hand into his pocket to retrieve it, he flipped the lid open and stared at the time.

11:21 pm.

Thomas had called for the other sides at 6 pm.

Feeling as if his humiliation and stress couldn’t get any worse, he buried his face in his gloved hands, breathing deeply to try to gather his thoughts.

Then, of course, came the knock.

"... shit."

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story I've posted to any site before, if you don't count English assignments of course. It isn't my best work, as it's a draft that I started a few months ago, then finished in a few hours earlier today. If anyone has thoughts or constructive criticism for my style, the structuring/organization, the way I portrayed the characters, or, well, ANYTHING about the story, please do comment about it! I'm always looking to improve, and even though writing isn't the easiest thing to do with my ADHD, it's a wonderful way to express my thoughts and entertain others. Basically, all the same cheesy shit that new writers say on this site. I'm looking to do more in-depth and plot-driven stories in the future, but I had such an intense need to post something today that I just HAD to finish this up, this is basically a warmup/test run for future stories. Not sure if this is gonna stay as a one-shot, or if I'll make it into something more, but I guess we'll see. I'm not happy with how I ended it, but I had no idea how else to do so. I'm very open about writing anything people request, as long as it's something I know about and am interested in (otherwise it's near impossible to write, since my ADHD is very selective).


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